I have been contemplating this notion of Living/Enjoying the Moment, as it seems to be pretty much a unified mantra we live by these days. But I'm starting to find some holes in this kind of bliss.
The good news is that I have actually made it to a third date with someone whom I am very attracted to, possibly even with a tinge of smitten. I am wary saying this, knowing my penchant towards instant-smitten-ness. But, yum.
I know, in these early days, I must “live in the moment” and enjoy it, right? But what about the other moments, when I am left wondering, hanging, wanting more? Do those moments count, or even counteract the amazing squishy, want-never-to-end moments? I know, I should be content with making a connection, feel the thrill, that jumpy feeling when we meet. But is it possible for him to feel those same things if he is seeing others, something he has been ever-so-honest about? Or is our intimacy feigned? Am I selling myself short? Am I selfish for wanting him all to myself?
I ponder the idea of living in the moment vs. compromising what you really want out of a relationship. Somehow it feels easy to give up needs and desires in order to enjoy something in the short term. I wonder if this is what I am doing, or if by enjoying the moment, I am simply letting my needs and wants get fulfilled as they may. It seems in the past, living in the moment works for a while until a point where I wake up from the dream and realize that I want (and deserve) more. Is “living in the moment” a man’s excuse for getting his cake and eating it too?
But I wonder, what are the consequences of living in the moment? Lately, there seem to be way too many people going off their rocker and shooting everyone in sight, even their own children. Were they just "living in the moment"? Is this bliss-gone-bad?
Thankfully the consequences for my enjoying the moment are not so dire. Future heartache seems the most likely.
But maybe, just maybe, by living in the moment, I am letting life take its natural course. Yes, I am likely to get hurt, but that risk has never stopped me. Nothing will hurt the way losing Arron did. Its also possible that the natural course may lead to something I haven't even imagined yet, something wonderful.
Here's to enjoying the moment!