The Widow Bomb

I had another date last week, where the moment he found out how I was widowed, he ran, never to be heard from again. I knew from all his phone calls before we had even met, that he had built a fantasy of me. How can one live up to that? But then, after the date, he told me he was going to Google me, since I didn't want to tell him how Arron had died on our first date, and suddenly the phone calls stopped. Could he not have just Googled me before we went on the date? It would have saved a lot of time. I like getting to the "real" email stage, where we are actually getting each other's real names. I did with this guy, assuming that he would do the inevitable search on my identity. I WANT a guy to Google me, so I don't have to ever drop the bomb on him. Not great first date conversation. I have experimented dropping the bomb (early on, before I figured out this rule), and I hate it. That look on their face. The slow dawning on them of how BIG the thing is, and its implications on him. Sometimes, if the guy is quick on his feet, we have a good conversation about it, and I leave impressed, but know that I won't ever hear from him again. But all in all, AWKWARD. I got very honest on my Match profile. I reveal the widow thing, the kids, etc. I don't drop the "how he died" bomb though. I want to meet someone who can at least get past the "easy" stuff. If he can't cut that, then there's no point. But right now, I seem to be going through an apathetic dating stage again. Had a nice weekend with my kids, a content-without-a-man weekend. Another single mom and I hauled a huge grill out of the car and down to the house, and drank wine grilling our own burgers. I let my son build a bonfire (and light it!) while I threw piles of brush to him to put on top. I got drunk with some girl-friends. I visited the older beach widows (my adopted grandmas), happy to sit with them reveling in their contentment. I have much to learn from them. Alas my latest Match.com emails languish. Just not in the mood for bombs.