Boy Talk

I guess what they say about 10 year old boys is true. Two nights ago Carter was begging me for condoms. Who me? When I asked him why, he told me it was fun to blow them up and play around with them. He ransacked my drawers convinced I had them hidden somewhere. And maybe I do, but he won't be finding them.

And then last night I got the question "mama, what's an orgasm?"

Oy! I stuttered through a man orgasm, mumbling about it being the moment the man squirts all his sperm out. Like into a girl. OK, not exactly poetic I admit, but one understood by a 10 year old. His response: "ALL his sperm?"

"Uh, well maybe not ALL of it. Just the amount that he made that day." God I thought I knew this stuff!

Next question: "Do girls have orgasms?"

Yes. Um. OK. well. I realized there was no squirting equivalent. "Its when her you-know-what gets very swollen.. and...um... it sort of bursts, kinda like a sneeze." Really! I said that! No wonder kids have such a warped view of sex. I was raised on such hippy classics as "Where Babies Come From" and even found my mother's Joy of Sex under the bed once. I KNOW this stuff. But trying to explain it to an almost 10 year old is a whole other ballgame.

Finally, he asked: "Have you ever had an orgasm?" OK, that one I could answer with a simple yes.

"Does it hurt?"

"Nope, it feels amazing. That's one of the main reasons people have s.e.x. Which doesn't mean you should do it before you are ready and in love with someone. The other reason they have it is to make babies. So you better be prepared if its something you are going to do. In. Many. Years. From. Now. That's why you shouldn't be blowing up condoms. (cause you never know when mama might need one) OK?

I can only imagine his now-warped view of s.e.x. People and condoms blowing up all over the place.