Well, I've done it. I took my first Wellbutrin today. I know its going to take weeks before I know if its helping, but it does feel like a step forward. I seem to have gotten my head around the idea of taking something because I sure was quick to pop that little purple pill. I look forward to having a little more energy, being a little more upbeat. I have also been advised to seriously increase my levels of vitamin B, D and to take a liquid fish oil supplement, all of which have been shown to improve mood. I came home with an arsenal. I'm lousy at remembering to take meds at regular intervals, so that is going to be my challenge in all of this.
Oddly (or probably not so oddly), in the process of meeting with the therapist and taking the steps toward making this move, I have been feeling a little more positive. Just the very act of admitting there was a problem seems to have had an effect on my mood. Your comments to my last blog entry about this have also helped in making me realize that I am not alone and that many people have been down this road. All very reassuring, so thank you.
Besides meds, the therapist recommended Feeling Good, a book on cognitive therapy. I'm still plowing my way through it, but essentially its about recognizing those nasty mind gremlins who undermine everything you think, understanding how they relate to your moods and then how to eliminate them with more positive thought processes. Its going to be an interesting learning experience, if nothing else. I am sure there will be several tie ins with The Happiness Project, something I am fascinated with.
The last thing that has added to my upbeat mood has been my conversation with Simone, the intuitive I mentioned in my last post. I know a lot of people are pretty skeptical about the whole psychic/intuitive/medium thing, but I am always amazed by how peaceful I feel after a reading. Simone saw Arron bathed in a powerful pale blue light who showed his concern for Carter with an image of his hand on Carter's shoulder. The message seemed to be that he wished he could help, be a part of Carter's life. He wished he could be there for me. I know, all stuff anyone would want to hear. But so what? How can a sense of someone being nearby, but on the other side, helping, guiding you somehow be a bad thing? So here are a few of her predictions. I will post them here, so later perhaps we can look back and see if any of them come true (which would be ever-so-peachy):
- I am going to have a much more balanced year, beginning after my birthday in September. Hallelujah for that!
- I have a lot of books still to write. She described "shelves and shelves" of stuff behind me as well as a lot of throat images which I guess indicate having much to say (well, she picked up on my blabbermouth quality anyway). She mentioned the possibility of writing something from Arron's perspective, about his passage into the afterlife. I have to admit its an intriguing idea.
- In November/Dec, at some kind of social event, I will meet a man that will apparently become my husband. At the very end of the reading, she got the name "Jim" from Arron. Not sure if this was meant to be this dude's name, or if there is some other reason for his mentioning the name Jim to me, so who knows. Apparently "Jim" will be tall (6'2" - how can it be THAT specific about his height yet not give me something useful like a profession. Ah the afterlife works in mysterious ways), dark, handsome and have salt and pepper hair, be highly empathetic toward Arron and the whole dead husband thing. I say bring it!
There was a bit more, but those were the highlights. Who knows, perhaps she is simply picking up on my desires. And there they all are plain as day.